Hello again, fellow Axeheads! Now to continue with my countdown of Alien based videogames. If you didn't read part 1, feel free to visit my page to ogle and drool over it. Okay, let's get this ultimate badass finished.
*We're a team and there's nothing to worry about. We come here and we're gonna conquer and we're gonna get some. Is that understood? We are going to get some. ON THE READY LINE!*
With the movie being utter crap, my expectation for the Alien Resurrection tie-in game on Playstation was very low. In a bizarre turnaround, the game was excellent! It nailed the set design and weaponry of the film perfectly. Better still; for the first time ever the aliens actually moved like they should. They ran on ceilings, pounced from walls and sprang from dark corners. The game also had a great line in setting up staged, pant-wetting scares. Because the aliens were so overpowered, hard to shoot and you had very little ammo of which to make mistakes with, the game became super intense and scary. In fact, there are only two games in history that have truly frightened me to the point of being nearly debilitated. One is Dead Space and the other is Alien Resurrection. Well done to those devs! You owe me new underwear!
*Look! It thinks you're it's mother!*
The first Aliens versus Predator game on the PC did a good job of adapting Half-Life's template to the world of Aliens. The game once again featured three campaigns and was the first to introduce the player to the alien's wall-crawling ability. The narrative was stronger than past games, too (even if the acting was laughably crap). That said, it was totally, utterly, monumentally outclassed by it's sequel. Aliens versus Predator 2 did everything exactly right. The story and acting was stronger, the graphics were better and the set-pieces were far more memorable. But the very best thing about Aliens versus Predator 2 was the multiplayer. The game managed to deliver perfect maps and controls while innovating a brilliant class system that balanced matches perfectly. This was a game that remained popular and was played online for years and years after it's release. Although gaming progress has marched on, there's certainly an argument to be made for Aliens versus Predator 2 remaining the best Aliens related game ever made. Unlike the similarly titled movie. Of which every copy should be rounded up and buried in the dessert, Atari ET style. "Hey, let's go down to the sewers and try to find my car keys!" WHAT THE FUCK!?
*I want an answer not an explanation!*
Extermination was a weird squad based RTS. Kudos to the developer for trying something other than a first person shooter with the license, but jeez... This game sucked more than George Micheal in a bathroom stall. There was no strategy involved at all (a pretty bad trait for a Real Time Stategy game). You just wandered around the map, spamming the cursor over enemies until they exploded. And that was it. This was about as much fun as jamming your dick into a potato peeler. Hmmm... On second thoughts, I retract that. Please kids, if it comes down to a choice between playing Extinction or a potato peeler circumcision, do the right thing; Fuck that peeler good, coz this game blows!
*Begging your pardon sir but fuck you!*
I'm getting really sick of typing ALIENS VERSUS PREDATOR in bold caps again and again. Uh... Much like the current Colonial Marines title, the current generation AvP game (see what did there? Yes for abbreviations, motherfucker!) suffered from mass critical backlash. It roughly followed the same format of the prior PC Aliens versus Predator (Nnnng) but without properly updating the mechanics. No iron sights? No kill-streaks? No perks or meaningful multiplayer leveling? The critics were all over the game because of it's antiquity. Or maybe just because it wasn't Call of Duty. Not every game needs fucking iron sights, you know! Whatever, I enjoyed this AvP game. The alien campaign was the best one of it's type. It was a lot of fun to stealth around and slaughter marines before darting back into the shadows. The Predator missions were fun too, with the new graphic kill sequences becoming a gory highlight. The marine campaign showed the most age but it was still a fun romp through the Aliens universe. Overall, this AvP was decent but not quite up to standard with it's triple-A FPS peers.
*Mister Aaron, get that foolish woman back to the infirmary at once!*
Infestation was a beautifully animated side-scrolling shooter. The life mechanic was pretty awesome. You had a finite number of marines, all of whom had different situational dialogue and personalities. When they died, they were gone forever. This led to a lot of backtracking to med-packs in order to heal your favorite marines! There was obviously a lot of love poured into this game but as much as I wanted to love it, I just couldn't. The reason for this was the difficulty level. It was frustratingly, cripplingly, impossibly difficult! Toward the end of the game, I found myself replaying and replaying and replazzzzzzzzzzz... Basically, I gave up. Yes, I'm going to gamer hell. Speaking of which, that brings us to the last title on this list.
*Come on, come on you bastard! Come on you too! Oh, you want some of this? Fuck you!*
Um... I like this game. When I first played it, I pulled out what little hair I had left in pure fury! They fucked it up! Those bastards! The graphics were unbelievably bad for a title this late in the generation. The writing and voice-work was also bad. Official cannon my ass! Gameplay-wise, the human A.I in the campaign seemed like it was frozen circa 1999. At one point there were two guys taking cover behind a window. I shot out the window. They didn't move a muscle. I shot one of them dead. The other one still didn't move or even react. I felt like I was playing Perfect Dark again! That said, as I played on I forgot about all that disappointing stuff and started to have fun. When my friend jumped in for co-op, I started to have a lot of fun. The multiplayer also captured my attention. Bad graphics or not, it's a lot of fun to pounce on a marine from far away and maul his face off. Likewise, it's fun to stand side-by-side with other human players and stave off a group of aliens. If I've overused the word 'fun', well then I guess you've got my point. Aliens: Colonial Marines is destined to go down as an abysmal failure. And perhaps that's deserved. But this is a ship that I'm now happy to sink to the bottom of the ocean with. Colonial Marines is not as good as it should've been, but I love it anyway!
*That is crazy! That is horseshit! They will not kill us!*
So, I hope you enjoyed this trip through Alien infested waters (best scene in Resurrection, baby!). Until next time, this is Tokyochuchu, the last survivor of my wife's fucking awful tofu recipes, signing off.